AMY NOT COLLEGE MATERIAL?

lately i've been doing some thinking. i know... me and thinking don't go so well together, but i've had lots of time since i've been back up here and i find that i do a lot of thinking right before going to bed as i'm laying there trying to go to sleep.

for one, i've come to the conclusion that i'm not college material. now before you have a heart attack and keel over, let me explain what i mean by this. what i mean is that i'm not university level material. it's not that the classes are too tough and that i can't cut it. it's not that at all. i guess i'm just not into the whole university life of things. for one, i'm not in the least bit interested in partying or going to parties to hang out and meet people. just from that, i should be booted out of here. plus, since i've been up here, i haven't been into meeting new people or becoming involved in campus activities, two things i thrived on back at home. it just isn't the same.

i've attributed one of the reasons of my dislike and dissatisfaction for the university to be because of the emphasis on focus. be it my lack of focus (i still don't know what i want to do with my life) or because i prefer to take a wide variety of different classes, i don't like the idea of filling up my semester full of the same kinds of classes. i know many would disagree with me here, but these would be the people that are extremely focused and know what they want to study and do with their lives. if you haven't figured it out by now, i'm not one of these people. i was the one who was perfectly happy taking classes such as econ, anthro, english, psych, and history.

to add to this, i don't even give much thought for my major. i find psychology interesting, but i have absolutely no interest in making it my life's work. i don't even like all my psych classes. aren't these the classes that i'm supposed to like? you know, the ones in my major?

furthermore, it cannot be dismissed that the university system is screwing me over and robbing me. $1505 a semester with fees expected to increase, as much as another 40%, not only pains me, but infuriates me. half these fees are broken down into unknown expenses and who knows what they are. well you know what? i want to know. if it's something that i'm paying for, then i want to take advantage of it.

as of now, i have no interest in applying to grad school, let alone attending. and if by chance i decide to go to grad school, i'm definitely not getting my masters in psychology.

i have three more semesters to go and i hope to god i'll be finished and have my b.a. in psychology. god only knows what i'll do with it...