IT'S OVER!

so, i've kinda just come back from my last final and now i don't know what to do. i'm really going to miss the people in my dream class. they've become another family to me, just as my roommates have become. we plan to try to meet next semester for dream group. we'll see how everyone's schedule works out.

david's phone rang (vibrated) in class today during the sharing of creative projects, and not only that, but he actually answered it. that just goes to show you that professors don't always remember to turn off their phones either...

think i might watch a movie. maybe after cleaning out the top drawer of my desk...


latest teachings... it's all about the gonads and strife...

song lyric/quote of the moment... aaaannnd weeeeeeee!

YAY YAY YAY!!!

i just finished my last hard final of the semester. yay! yay yay yay! i'm so excited. weeeeee...

one more tomorrow and i'm finished until next semester comes around...yipee!!!

GETTING KICKED OUTTA THE MALL... ALMOST

this afternoon, bri and wendy decided to go to the mall and they let me tag along with them. on our way out, we stopped so i could ride the horsey, but it wouldn't take my money, so i was forced to ride the firetruck, which wasn't as fun. :( well, the security lady who was bored to tears from standing around all day with nothing to do, decided she'd come over and tell me that i was a little big to be riding the ride. she kept repeating this, as if i had something to say to her other than the horsey was broken. i mean, it was like if i had just gone up to some person and said bananas or something. so now i'm assuming that she wanted me to get off, although i had paid to ride on the firetruck and she never technically told me to get off. i've always considered myself to be kinda small, and so some stranger (a whole lot larger than me) who comes up to me telling me that i'm too big is almost freakin' hilarious. i should've asked for my money back. lesson to be learned? i don't take hints!


latest teachings... apparently i'm a little big to be riding on toy firetruck rides in the mall... :(

song lyric/quote of the moment... weeeeeeeeeee!

ANOTHER ROAD EXPERIENCE WITH WENDY AND SOME MORE ANTS

tonight wendy and i had yet another road experience, and no, this time we did not get lost. wendy was bored, i was hungry, so she offered to take me someplace to get some food. i decided that i wanted to go to carl's jr. after deciding that mcdonald's was too close (a walk across the street), and wendy didn't know where burger king was. as we got in her car, it was freakin' freezing, we noticed that the windshield was foggy. wendy got impatient and decided to drive with it all fogged up. bad idea. as we headed out of the parking lot and she commented, "well i hope i don't hit someone," a person came outta nowhere and we barely missed him or her. we freaked out, or at least i did, and she pulled over to the side so we could comment on how scary that was and how we were glad we didn't actually hit anyone. so she wiped off the windshield, and we were on our way...

we got back, and i go to my room. wendy calls me out to the living room, and there are ants all over the coffee table on her soda. we trace them across the floor and finally to her bedroom. they come out of a corner in kelly's closet. wendy gets the raid and sprays them, then vacuums them up.

but that's not all with the ants... last night, ramona called me into her room to see the trail of ants along her walls. she hair sprayed them and then called maintenence. when yael got back today, she checked the pantry and so far, the ants haven't returned to our food. we'll just hope that they continue to stay away over break.


latest teachings... darn ants just won't go away...

song lyric/quote of the moment... "sheep go to heaven, goats go to hell" --cake

EXTREME DISGUST

as i read through my essay choices, i realize how much i hate my prof. and this animosity only grows...

LAZY DAY

today has been quite a lazy day. even though i still have much to do, i still vegetated in front of the television screen for several hours. i've only just gotten on my computer. i never cease to amaze myself...

LAST CLASS OF SEMESTER--DONE!

i have just survived my last class of the semester. it sure feels good.


latest teachings... study study study...

song lyric/quote of the moment... "i am the stinky cheese man..."

ANOTHER LETTER TO RENE'

yay, you wrote me back. :) i'm happy now. :-D glad to hear that you're okay... or at least still alive...

papers are almost finished. only one more final paper for my dream class, which is not graded, and then my icky essays for my english class. remember when i used to like english? well no more. this class has broken me.

poor kitty. i wanna see your kitty. i still haven't gotten to see your house yet. umm... like... several people went down and they got to see it, but not me. i was on my way to porterville. i just went home and cried. these mean people also went to dewars without me. no wonder why i hate them all. i don't tend to hold grudges, but there are just some things that you cannot forgive a person for doing...

i get to be home for my birthday. it's on a wednesday, so i was going to throw myself a party in your classes. don't worry, i'll make my own cake. or maybe mom will make me a cake. that would be nice.

i've decided that i don't like school anymore. but then again, i've kinda decided that i don't like anything anymore. i've been told that i complain too much, and i can't argue with that. i should know, i have to live with myself. i guess i'd rather sit around and complain about everything instead of getting off my butt to do something. i'm in a sorry state. i sit here in my room in front of my computer, only leaving when i have class. this is my sad, sad life now. the constant rain does not help. it only puts me in a depressed mood, as if my computer weren't enough to keep me down.

got my classes for the spring. i'm only taking 14 units again. schedule looks even better than this semester. i have world prehistory on tues and thurs from 10:45-12; humanistic, existential & transpersonal psy on tues from 1-4:40; the person in society tues from 7-9:40; and psychology of learning on wed from 2-5:40. not bad. only one long day and only one night class. i'll still have my mondays and fridays free. i feel lucky that i got all the classes i wanted. unfortunately, many students are having fits with getting the classes they need. something about budget cuts? damn the man! they're capping everyone at 16 units as not to go over the allowed enrollment. otherwise the university has to pay the system for going over in enrollment. education's been screwed over in california. i guess it's not on top of the priority list anymore, but it makes me wonder if it ever was. stupid californians. we'll all pay in the end.

take care. maybe i'll see you soon.

amy

AN ACCOMPLISHMENT

i went to bed before wendy did... hahaha. didn't think that would ever happen, did you?

DEEP DARK ME

tick. tick. tick. the longer i sit here and doom myself, the meaner i become. i could say it's because i'm not feeling up to par; i'm sick, and if i don't cough my organs up soon, they'll be eaten by darkness anyways. my mood's been shot. i could blame it on the coming of finals and last minute papers. or maybe it's because i don't eat the foods i should. my motto has always been, if you can't microwave it, it's not worth eating, which leaves me eating such foods as cup of noodle, mac and cheese, spaghettios with meatballs... these foods get old real fast. perhaps i can say that it's the weather around here. dark, cold, wet days are depressing to me. i stay indoors unless i'm forced outside by a class. and so i find myself ever longingly face to face with the computer screen. back to square one. what have i been doing for the past 12 hours? i cannot even recall. and so i bite. i tear. i ramble on about nothing. then i feel like crying. i'm mean, unfair. cruel. i hurt myself. i hurt the people who mean the most to me. and they put up with my madness. this dark insanity that i call my destruction. when things are good, i pull them down. it's not enough to have everything, is it? it's just not enough. i can't want any more. so what i have i destroy? this is insane. i'm consuming myself as well as those around me. tears come, but no pain. pain comes, but no tears. only harsh words. i am in dire need of a break. but more than a break from school and my classes and all the papers, i need a break from late nights, sitting at the computer, losing myself in a fake world, a machine generated reality that can never satisfy me. i need a change of atmosphere, fresh air. i need human contact, life. i need warmth and love from the person i love more than anything. i need to know that everything will be all right. i must pull myself back together.

GLUE

yael found where the ants were coming into our bathroom and decided to use a little elmer's glue to cover up the opening. hey, it even dries clear.

which reminds me of abby's poem...

The Visage of a Kindergarten Icon

Elmer never knew
that his face would be on
the cover of glue.

HAIR

hair on the bottom of your feet.

ENFJ PERSONALITY TYPE

ENFJ -- Extraverted Feeling Aided By Intuition

Main Characteristics

ENFJ's are outstanding leaders of groups, both task groups and growth groups. They have the charming characteristic of seeming to take for granted that they will be followed, never doubting that people will want to do what they suggest. And, more often than not, people do, because this type has unusual charisma. ENFJ's place a high value on cooperation from others and are most willing to cooperate themselves.

Found in only 5 percent of the general population, ENFJ's place people as being of highest importance and priority. As a result, ENFJ's may find themselves feeling responsible for the feelings of others to an extent which places a burden on the relationship. An ENFJ communicates caring, concern, and a willingness to become involved. Thus people turn to ENFJ's for nurture and support, which an ENFJ is usually able to deliver. At times, however, these kinds of demands can overwhelm ENFJ's, who find at this point that they lack the skills to dissociate. ENFJ's do not seem able to turn away from these demands even when they become unreasonable. Or, if forced to let go of the burden through sheer unavailability of time or energy, ENFJ's experience a guilt all out of proportion to the realities of the commitment made to the relationship.

ENFJ's are especially vulnerable to idealizing interpersonal relationships, raising these relationships to a plane which seldom can sustain the realities of human nature. Because of this tendency to raise interpersonal relations to the ideal, ENFJ's may unwittingly overpower their friends, who believe that they cannot possible live up to an ENFJ's perception of them. The fact is, ENFJ's are extraordinarily tolerant of others, seldom critical, and always trustworthy.

ENFJ's take communication for granted and believe that they are understood and that their communications are accepted. Just as they themselves are accepting, so do they assume that others are the same. When ENFJ's find that their position or beliefs were not comprehended or accepted, they are surprised, puzzled, and sometimes hurt. Fortunately, this does not happen with high frequency, as ENFJ's have a remarkable fluency with language, especially in speech; they are particularly adept when communicating face-to-face as opposed to communicating in writing. They are influential, therefore, in groups, having no hesitation about speaking out, no matter how large or small the group may be.

ENFJ's have an unusual ability to relate to others with empathy, taking into themselves the characteristics, emotions, and beliefs of others. This can pose a danger for ENFJ's because they can unconsciously over-identify with others and pick up their burdens as if they were their own. In the process, ENFJ's may risk their own sense of identity. They have a natural ability to mimic because of this highly developed ability to empathize by interjection. They are likely to be very concerned about the problems of those close to them, but they also may get as deeply involved in the problems of those not so close and may find themselves over-extended emotionally.

ENFJ's would do well to follow their hunches, for their intuition tends to be well developed. Decisions made purely on the basis of logic may not be so sound, and checking with a person who has a strong T preference might be at times advisable for the ENFJ. In the framework of values, however, the ENFJ is on a certain ground. Generally, they know what they prefer and can read other people with outstanding accuracy. Seldom is an ENFJ wrong about the motivations or intent of another, hidden or not.

Career

This longing for the perfect carries over into the careers of ENFJ's, who experience some degree of restlessness whatever their jobs. And, as with ENFP's, ENFJ's have a wide range of occupations which offer success. Being verbally adept, ENFJ's contribute to an unusual level when dealing with people, particularly face-to-face; the media, the ministry, and the stage and screen are populated with successful ENFJ's. They make superior therapists, charismatic teachers, excellent executives, and personalized salespersons. Areas that would not permit utilization of the interactional talents of ENFJ's for example, accounting, should be avoided; otherwise, almost any people-to-people occupation where personal, sustained contact is involved capitalizes on the personality of an ENFJ.

ENFJ's like to have things settled and organized. They prefer to plan both work and social engagements ahead and tend to be absolutely reliable in honoring these commitments. ENFJ's are very much at home in complex situations which require the juggling of much data. At the same time, they can handle people with charm and concern. ENFJ's are usually popular wherever they are. Their ability to be comfortable either leading or following makes them easy to have around, whatever the situation. A well-developed ENFJ group leader can provide, almost endlessly, activities for groups to engage in with almost no preplanning and can find adequate roles for members of the group to play. In some, this can amount to genius which other types find hard to emulate. In this ability to organize without planning there is a certain similarity to an ESFJ, but the latter acts more as a master of ceremonies than as a leader of groups. The ESFJ is more of a recreational leader, who insures that each member has fun at a party and that the right things are expressed at social occasions, especially institutional social occasions such as a wedding. ESFJ's, value harmonious human relations above all else; but ENFJ's are not so easily crushed by indifference as are ESFJ's and are more independent of other's valuations.

Home

ENFJ's are socially adept and make excellent companions and mates. They also are deeply devoted to their children, yet tend not to be domineering to either the children or mate. In fact, the ENFJ is so even-tempered that he or she can be victimized by a mate who might have become more and more demanding.

ENFJ mates always try to please and feel personally responsible when home life does not go smoothly. They are tireless in their efforts to see that it does, providing generously from available income, time, and energy. This dedication often exists, however, side by side with an ENFJ's dream of the perfect relationship - a characteristic of all NF's, but one which is particularly strong in an ENFJ. Thus an ENFJ has that longing for the ideal that results in a vague dissatisfaction with whatever is in the way of relationships, mating as well as friendships.

Midlife

At midlife, ENFJ's might want to expand their capabilities toward introverted activities such as reading, gardening, painting. They also may want to increase their sensitivity to classical music, subtleties of fine foods and beverages, beginning to develop ever-increasing discriminations of fineness among fine things. Already likely to be a gourmet, an ENFJ might become a connoisseur art collector, for example, or an expert of medieval tapestries. Also, the development further of intellectual capabilities might interest ENFJ's at midlife, perhaps taking the direction of formal study. ENFJ's have the ability to appreciate both people and nature, and more time spent in travel might be gratifying, particularly if this was used as an opportunity to collect works of art.

Mates

Who can complement this growth-catalyst? The opposite on the S side is ISTP, the "artisan." It is not difficult to see how the teacher inherent in the ENFJ would want to "bring out" the craftsman in the ISTP. The artisan, however, has another side to his nature that pops up occasionally and in some cases is a life theme: adventure and exploration. The ISTP can, so to speak, be wayward, take off for parts unknown. It is difficult to imagine a similar desire on the part of the ENFJ to bring out a sense of adventure.

The ENFJ, on the intuitive side, finds the INTP attractive. Nowhere is a splendid target for our catalyst, for beneath the cool, collected, detached, and doubting exterior lies an architect of buildings, machines, tools, operations, tactics, languages, mathematics, or whatever can be designed. If, that is, this latently capable designer can be "activated" or "brought out".

STUDY GUIDE FOR MAN AND HIS SYMBOLS

Study Guide for exam on
MAN AND HIS SYMBOLS

compensation: when a dreamer has a recurring dream from childhood to adulthood, it corrects the ego's one sided view on life or reality. the function of dreams is compensatory, or complementary. they force us to pay attention to the areas we neglect.

sign vs. symbol: signs are denotative and have one meaning. they are less than the concepts they represent. symbols are natural and spontaneous. they are connotative and can never be fully explained because they have so many possibilities and meanings. symbols are much more vague and are often unknown or hidden from us.

recurring dreams: dreams compensate for defects in our attitude toward life. recurring dreams are messages that need to get through to the dreamer. jung also added that they can anticipate future events of importance.

free association vs. amplification: jung believed that free association tended to lead the dreamer away from the dream while amplification honored the precise expression of the dream. dreams contain meaning, and a unique message can be found. he says, "i wanted to keep as close as possible to the dream itself, and to exclude all the irrelevant ideas and associations that it might evoke."

"dream books": these are ready-made interpretations of dreams. jung states that "it is plain foolishness to believe in ready-made systematic guides to dream interpretation, as if one could simply buy a reference book and look up a particular symbol. no dream symbol can be separated from the individual who dreams it, and there is no definite or straightforward interpretation of any dream. each individual varies so much in the way that his unconscious complements or compensates his conscious mind that it is impossible to be sure how far dreams and their symbols can be classified at all." however, there are certain motifs that are common.

the dream as source for creative ideas: dreams communicate to us through symbolism. both new thoughts as well as old ones can emerge from the unconscious. everything new is a recombination of things that already exist, and dreams do this.

the collective unconscious: this is the part of the psyche that retains and transmits the common psychological inheritance of mankind, chiefly religious symbols. it can be thought of as universal archetypal images that we are programmed to respond to.

the shadow: the opposite manifestation of the conscious ego. the opposite of consciousness. it "contains the hidden, repressed, and unfavorable aspects of the personality." however, it also contains the good qualities of normal instincts and creative impulses.

function of the Hero myth: as a general rule, the ego needs strengthening. the ego needs to differentiate itself from the parental archetypes. the main function of the hero myth is that of growing up and leaving your parents.

animus and anima: animus and anima are the psychological bisexuality, both the masculine and feminine in each of us. the animus is the male aspect in the female, and the anima is the female aspect in the male.

relationship between Hero myth and initiation rites: the hero myth contains the action of the hero pursuing the journey onward. in the initiation rites, you surrender yourself to initiation. the key idea to this is weaning kids away from their parents.

symbolism of Beauty and the Beast: this deals with the girl's relationship with her father and the need for her to break away from her relationship with her father. she "redeems herself and her image of the masculine from the forces of repression, bringing to consciousness her capacity to trust her love as something that combines spirit and nature in the best sense of the words."

symbols of transcendence: the symbols that represent man's striving to attain his goals. they provide the means by which the contents of the unconscious can enter the conscious mind and are the active expression of those contents. examples include the bird, trickster, shaman, lizards, snakes, etc.

synchronicity: this is a meaningful coincidence of outer and inner events that are not themselves causally connected.

Self vs. ego: Self is the totality of the psyche while ego is consciousness. ego is the smaller part, the one we are conscious of. it consists of what we are aware of and what we usually refer to when we say "I" while the Self is the much bigger piece and includes the archetypes, anima and animus, shadow, etc.

individuation: a process of the unfolding growth of the self. a maturation of the self. can be tracked through introspection and dreams. jung says of the process of individuation that all dreams are relevant and are all parts of one great web of psychological factors. on the whole, they seem to follow an arrangement or pattern.

STUDENT HEALTH CENTER EXPERIENCE

finally went by the student health center this afternoon. made an appointment to see a doctor, who told me i was just fine. mostly we just talked, but she also prescribed me some medicine that's supposed to knock me out (cough syrup), and some antiviral for the cold sores on my nose. as i was sitting in the room waiting for her, i couldn't help but stare at the poster in front of me of the female reproductive system. i could only think of one thing--that's right, gonads and strife...

GOODNIGHT FROM WENDY

“now don’t stay up too late being evil” --wendy before going to bed

THE SINGING WAITRESS

so... friday night we met up with alex outside of starbucks and gave him his gift (a james dean calendar, some cherry kool aid, and some cow seeds). he loved the calendar and we checked out each month before deciding to go bowling. when we got to the bowling alley, there were a bunch of people there and when we got inside and saw that the three and four year olds were bowling better than we can bowl, we felt intimidated and left, deciding to check out the theatre to see what was playing. most of the movies had already started, and the only ones left were a long one, a scary one, and a bad one. so we again changed our destination and decided to go over to juice and java, but once we realized that it was quite cold out and they serve cold drinks, we decided perhaps we should try elsewhere. kevin and i were hungry, and so we finally decided on dennys. we ordered food and alex ordered a coffee. but does he drink coffee? no, he just got it to keep his hands warm. kevin ordered a cheesecake that was, according to the waitress, a $2.50 slice of cheesecake, not a $3.00 slice. however, she didn't have any candles. we told her it was kevin's birthday and that she should sing him a song. she asked what song and we told her happy birthday would suffice. we then asked her if she would dance... up on the table, which she refused to do, as she would hit her head, so we compromised and she called over two of the other waitresses and they sang the first half of happy birthday, stopping because kevin's face was all red (again). the next time she came back, we asked her if she would sing another song and this time dance, since she didn't the first time, so she agreed to do i'm a little teapot with all the motions. after talking for a while, i guess we were about to go, cause the check had come and kevin was going to go pay. alex left a tip, and since kevin wouldn't accept his $5 toward the bill, he left an even larger tip for the waitress. we then agreed that we would try to entice her to sing alex a song, as by now, he was feeling pretty left out, as kevin had 1 1/2 songs sung to him. we waited and waited, and then waited some more, until finally, she came back out. we asked her if she would sing alex a song, and when it looked like she was a little reluctant, alex told her that he was dying and was on chemo and he had brain tumors and needed a heart transplant and a blood transfusion. when we all finished cracking up, she agreed to sing him a song, as he kept patting the wad of money ($7) that was on the table (we took $5 back so he could add it so perhaps she would sing yet another song). so as it turns out, she ended up singing him parts of about 8 or so, maybe even more, different songs. he kept pulling songs out of the air and asking her if she knew them, which to my surprise, she did know quite a few of them. he would ask for madonna or the spice girls or the new kids on the block, which made it even funnier. every time she was ready to stop, we kept reminding her that the tip could grow and that alex was dying (perhaps another song would give him the strength to live an extra week). stacey and micah came in and we sent her over to sing them a song--the abc song, telling her she had to get them to sing along with her. she finally agreed to go over there and started singing. when she got to the part "next time won't you sing with me," stacey sang along with her the next time. meanwhile, micah had his head down and turned away the whole time. when they finished, everyone in the restaurant clapped for them. so, when we finally took off, we left her a nice $12 tip for the effort to entertain us and then we went out to the parking lot and talked for quite a while until it was extremely late and super cold. so it was a good night, and we had a great time. we already plan to go back over winter break to see if she's still there and willing to sing for another nice tip...


latest teachings... if you leave a large enough tip, the waitress will sing...

song lyric/quote of the moment... a b c d e f g...

PEOPLESOFT MUST DIE

peoplesoft is evil. peoplesoft is the devil. i hate it with a passion. it must die. i've seen the peoplesoft building. i want to go there and kick it. it needs to suffer. it needs to suffer just as i have. evil evil peoplesoft. errr... PEOPLESOFT IS THE DEVIL!!! IT MUST DIE!!!

just so you know, i have now moved peoplesoft to the top of my list of things that are the devil. i refuse to try to register for any more classes, so looks like i'm stuck with what i've already registered for. that is if it worked at all...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATY

today is my friend paty's birthday. she didn't know what she wanted for her birthday. she wanted me to buy her a computer or a cell phone, but she got both already. so i guess i'll just wish her a happy birthday. so...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY PATY!!!

IF ONLY...

if i was feeling better and had more time, perhaps i'd write a book about all my week's blessings, but as it is, i have a killer cough complete with fever, headache, sore throat, and feeling as though i'm about to throw up. all i can say is ick. no, really... i've even lost part of my voice... but the worst part of all--having to come back up here to ssu, leaving my other half, my love, back in porterville. ick. ick.

if i had more time, i'd sleep all day, but as it is, i have class at 2:30 and 7 tonight and i still need to finish my essay exam for modern psych class before tomorrow.

if i wrote like i used to write, i'd tell every detail of my thanksgiving week for all to know about. however, i find myself writing less and less about the little details that have happened and more about just how thankful i am for them. plus, it keeps y'all guessing. perhaps if i finish my essay, i'll add a few of the week's happenings, as they were quite eventful. otherwise, you will just have to wait...


latest teachings... being sick is the devil!

song lyric/quote of the moment... "i love you sweetpea!"